Ever been hit with a ton of bricks? (Figuratively speaking that is.) Caught up in a whirlwind that came completely out of no where? We all at some point experience this. I just have. Think I'm still in the whirlwind right now as we speak. I feel lost, upside down, confused. Ever feel this way? Completely uprooted from all that you thought you knew to be real, but turns out it's not. Then you're left with wondering what is.
"What is real?"
Yesterday I prayed to God. You know what I prayed for? I prayed for the greatest good to happen in my life; in my relationship. Whatever that was it didn't matter, I prayed for the greatest good & the highest truth. God answered my prayer because right then TRUTH hit me. I wasn't ready for it, even though it's what I asked for. Goddammit, truth can fucking hurt when your reality has been based on an illusion. Illusion...that was laid in the foundation of my relationship. Illusion. Emptiness essentially. Holes in the bricks of its foundation. But what happens to a great wall of illusion when you throw a brick of truth at it? It all comes crashing down & the only thing you're left with is that one solemn brick of truth. Whether it hurts or not, it's truth that can never be knocked down. It's truth that we're all left with when the rest is shattered.
It's truth we'll all be left with when the illusions of this world are shattered. Will it hurt or not? That's up to us.
Do you know, ironically though, the one thing that's anchoring me, grounding me, making me feel sane in this whirlwind of emotion & chaos is the very same thing that rocked my world just a day ago: TRUTH. But it's the truth that I aligned myself with. The truth I built the foundation of my life in. Each brick laid with my heart in line with my truth & my service to God & Love & You. Both truths will be my savior whether they hurt or comfort but I've learn a great lesson here that I want to share with all of you. In this life there is Truth, the only thing that's real (i.e. Love) & then there is illusion (i.e. fear). And you have one of two choices: Make this truth your life, live through this truth, build every relationship & circumstance on this truth & this truth alone and your world will NEVER be shaken. For truth is your rock...always. God is your rock, Love is your rock that can NEVER be shaken because it's ALL there really is. And when you live this way you will KNOW this. Or... You can deny your truth out of fear, run from it, build a life & relationships based on the denial of your very own truth, built in illusion with bricks of fear & watch your entire world come crumbling down when the truth comes out to save the day. This is the only time that Love can ever hurt, the only time when God's Love can feel like a dagger to the chest. It is ONLY when you've attempted to root yourself in illusion. When you've chosen to believe in that which doesn't really exist (i.e. anything that is not Love) you suffer when the make-believe world you created comes to an end. You will be saved both the same. In the end the greatest good & highest truth will ALWAYS prevail whether you ask for it or not. Thank God for that! But you choose whether it hurts or not. What next?? What happens after the world you created comes crashing down? Well luckily for me, I found the truth long enough ago to have built incredible bricks of love in my foundation that I can always depend on. My daughter....oh how she keeps me sane? She's is a co-creation of God's love & my deepest love & she is one of my anchors. My beautifully loving friends. We've all had our ups & downs but each of our relationships has been rooted in love & appreciation for one another. They've each come to the rescue when they found out their friend was in need & for that I am so incredibly grateful for these amazing women whose love lifts me up when I can no longer stand alone. My greatest rock though I believe in this predicament, will be
FORGIVENESS & ACCEPTANCE.
The world is shattered, the truth is standing & I must clean up the mess & build again. This time from love. Starting with the first brick of TRUTH. Thank you, God, for your answers & your LOVE.