It’s hard to tell the voice of reason--the voice of God--from the others’. The ego’s scream is a loud one. Like the tantrum of a young child that hasn’t quite learned how to cope with everyday life. What does my heart’s voice sound like? Does it sound like my speaking voice; does it even have a sound? I’m not quite acquainted enough yet to always recognize it. The blissful inspiration can become an obsession at times. I forget that if it’s not a road that seems to unfold on its own than it’s probably not the right one. I push and push and push until I realize that nothing’s budging… most likely because I’m not supposed to be there. I have no strength when I stand in places I shouldn’t. So, I turn away from the stone wall of the maze and instead of frantically searching for the way out; I sit…still, waiting for another bit of inspiration to guide me--still nothing. It’s as if I have lost someone in a busy crowd. Rather than going in search of them becoming even more lost in the process, I’ll stand still…right where I lost them, until they come find me. That “someone” is God. As I waited for the signs pointing in the direction of my soul’s path, I heard nothing, not a peep; and the chatter within me grew stronger. My mind was looking for relief from the very place I stood, a place that felt so far from home. One day, amidst my ignorance and ever-impatient waiting, I realize—rather I am told by someone perfectly thrust into my path—that I am waiting for an answer to a question that I haven’t even asked. “Askand you shall receive.” My mind was too busy attempting to escape where my feet stood that I didn’t even ask for a way out. I immediately reverted to the only way I knew to get out of the places I did not wish to be-- addiction, mental chatter, and physical gratifications. In unfamiliar places it’s our habitual survival instinct to immediately grab on the closest thing we know. Old habits, however destructive, give us a sense of comfort; they feed our fear and attempt to disguise it. They support the very false notion of fear all together and a fear that our Greatness may be too much for us to handle or something we’re unworthy of. Logically this all makes perfect sense to me, but there is an inner child within all of us that needs much consoling and attention before it can trust that there truly is nothing to fear. As I stand scared and lost awaiting my Father to find his missing child I realize just that: I AM a lost child of God and just as any child would have the utmost confidence that the unbounded love of their father would not let him stop until they were found again; I stand here knowing that He will forever persevere until I am in His arms once again. This must be where Faith is born; and not surprisingly enough with the ways in which God works, he has put me right in this unfamiliar place just to learn the very thing I need to at this stage in my life: FAITH.
Beautiful.
Thank you.